Siapa Aku?
waktu aku baca soalan ini, aku boleh describe siapa aku.
“aku seorang yang lain daripada yang lain. aku ada ability to not study and still pass with flying colours. aku cantik, in my very own way. i’m simply amazing”
and i’m happy with that.
tapi aku tak perasan yang ada satu lagi soalan yang perlu aku jawab : apa matlamat aku?
aku… aku tak tahu.
and that brings me to the next question, “apa yang aku boleh jadi dengan being amazing like i mention earlier?”
…. a good student… a good… nothing?
and that’s it. there is where I stuck.
let me tell you from the beginning.
aku start berfikir pasal cita-cita aku secara serious waktu aku form 3. Aku nak jadi fashion designer. because that is my passion.
PMR aku… agak bagus. bukan agak. memang bagus pon. 7A1B? kalau tak silap aku. aku tak minat science. So, aku nak masuk kelas art. or at least… kelas account la.pandai sikit kan~ haha.
tapi aku tak dapat. aku kena masuk kelas pure science. aku minta tukar. aku nak tukar. aku cakap dengan mak aku, mak aku tak bagi. and satu hari, mak aku terbuka hati nak datang sekolah, cakap dengan kaunselor, nak bincang pasal tukar stream aku. i don’t want to talk about how does it goes. but it hurts. no. it pained me. like… for 2 years, aku kena duduk dalam kelas yang aku tak nak, belajar benda yang aku tak minat LANGSUNG! cita-cita aku terhalang.
lepas SPM, aku dah putus asa dengan cita-cita form 3 aku. Aku tukar cita-cita. aku nak buka bisnes. So, masa UPU… aku isi semua pasal business. tapi bila result keluar, again…result aku OK. 6A and…. something something. i don’t really remember. I hate school and everything about it. dan kali itu, mak aku asyik membebel pasal result aku OK and all, dia nak aku masuk bidang science and all. and i’m so stressed that it make me change everything in my UPU form to science. science this, science that. engineering this and that. i don’t even know what i choose. it was really last minute changes. it was on the night UPU is going to closed. dan bila result keluar, aku dapat CS110 : Diploma in Computer Science. i don’t know what it is. I don’t wanna go. but my parents forced mey. sekali lagi… cita-cita aku terhalang.
tapi bila aku dah belajar pasal CS, aku suka. seronok! sangat seronok especially coding.
what happen then? I like it, I’m happy now. I’m glad that school was over. what else?
i wrote a programming code for my parent’s burger business. so that when I get home, I got to show my family what i’ve been learning. guess what they say?
“Ini je kau belajar? buat resit?”
aku… aku… sangat sangat sangat terkilan. sangat sangat terkilan. i spend my free times and weekend writing that code. it working fine.
They make it seems useless. i feel useless! i was trying to make myself better in the field i’m in, but they… are not only being not supportive. they……. i’ll let you describe how they’ve been acting.
I don’t do coding on my free times anymore. ever again. I just focused on being a plain student who have no ambitions. what is important to them is my certificates, right? so the certificate I go for.
and… that is how I lost my spirit and my passion on something. I mean… everything.
I’ve been looking back recently and I realize that… since high school I’ve been writing some poems and stories. I found one I wrote in my diploma years. I think it has good start. but I did not continue doing it.
and I go back a little further… when I was in high school. I like to draw. I even draw on my room’s wall. yeah, I smiled when I remember it. but I don’t remember what happen to those drawings. oh, maybe they’ve put a new wall paint on it.
nobody. nobody. ever. really appreciate my… passion on something. and that’s it. i’m done.
“aku seorang yang lain daripada yang lain. aku ada ability to not study and still pass with flying colours. aku cantik, in my very own way. i’m simply amazing”
and i’m happy with that.
tapi aku tak perasan yang ada satu lagi soalan yang perlu aku jawab : apa matlamat aku?
aku… aku tak tahu.
and that brings me to the next question, “apa yang aku boleh jadi dengan being amazing like i mention earlier?”
…. a good student… a good… nothing?
and that’s it. there is where I stuck.
let me tell you from the beginning.
aku start berfikir pasal cita-cita aku secara serious waktu aku form 3. Aku nak jadi fashion designer. because that is my passion.
PMR aku… agak bagus. bukan agak. memang bagus pon. 7A1B? kalau tak silap aku. aku tak minat science. So, aku nak masuk kelas art. or at least… kelas account la.pandai sikit kan~ haha.
tapi aku tak dapat. aku kena masuk kelas pure science. aku minta tukar. aku nak tukar. aku cakap dengan mak aku, mak aku tak bagi. and satu hari, mak aku terbuka hati nak datang sekolah, cakap dengan kaunselor, nak bincang pasal tukar stream aku. i don’t want to talk about how does it goes. but it hurts. no. it pained me. like… for 2 years, aku kena duduk dalam kelas yang aku tak nak, belajar benda yang aku tak minat LANGSUNG! cita-cita aku terhalang.
lepas SPM, aku dah putus asa dengan cita-cita form 3 aku. Aku tukar cita-cita. aku nak buka bisnes. So, masa UPU… aku isi semua pasal business. tapi bila result keluar, again…result aku OK. 6A and…. something something. i don’t really remember. I hate school and everything about it. dan kali itu, mak aku asyik membebel pasal result aku OK and all, dia nak aku masuk bidang science and all. and i’m so stressed that it make me change everything in my UPU form to science. science this, science that. engineering this and that. i don’t even know what i choose. it was really last minute changes. it was on the night UPU is going to closed. dan bila result keluar, aku dapat CS110 : Diploma in Computer Science. i don’t know what it is. I don’t wanna go. but my parents forced mey. sekali lagi… cita-cita aku terhalang.
tapi bila aku dah belajar pasal CS, aku suka. seronok! sangat seronok especially coding.
what happen then? I like it, I’m happy now. I’m glad that school was over. what else?
i wrote a programming code for my parent’s burger business. so that when I get home, I got to show my family what i’ve been learning. guess what they say?
“Ini je kau belajar? buat resit?”
aku… aku… sangat sangat sangat terkilan. sangat sangat terkilan. i spend my free times and weekend writing that code. it working fine.
They make it seems useless. i feel useless! i was trying to make myself better in the field i’m in, but they… are not only being not supportive. they……. i’ll let you describe how they’ve been acting.
I don’t do coding on my free times anymore. ever again. I just focused on being a plain student who have no ambitions. what is important to them is my certificates, right? so the certificate I go for.
and… that is how I lost my spirit and my passion on something. I mean… everything.
I’ve been looking back recently and I realize that… since high school I’ve been writing some poems and stories. I found one I wrote in my diploma years. I think it has good start. but I did not continue doing it.
and I go back a little further… when I was in high school. I like to draw. I even draw on my room’s wall. yeah, I smiled when I remember it. but I don’t remember what happen to those drawings. oh, maybe they’ve put a new wall paint on it.
nobody. nobody. ever. really appreciate my… passion on something. and that’s it. i’m done.
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